brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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