My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
