party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize