I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
