The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
