Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
