HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
