Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Your penis caused this!
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