Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Im part way to drunk.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
