first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
