I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
