I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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