I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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