I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
