In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
