If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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