This girl is more easily done than said...
too bad you live with your parents still
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
