the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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