you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
