i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers