Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
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I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
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I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.