dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.