Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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