Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.