Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
