OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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