Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
