that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
