A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
