For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
