Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She bit a glass in half.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
