walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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