Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
