Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
