i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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