dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
