Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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