Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
