I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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