i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
