so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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