hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
