Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
