Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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