I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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