Do vagina's smell?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
