thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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