Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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