is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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