nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize