i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So many bounce houses so little time
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
