just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
