i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
