sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
