Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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