i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
