is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
