I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
