this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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