Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
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he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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