I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
whose ass print is on the piano?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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