I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
