Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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