Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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