If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
