Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
